Speaking Up with Confidence
Contributing in ways others can build on.
Being a leader who confidently speaks up is not about being loud, fast, or certain. It is about contributing responsibly in uncertainty, in ways that others can build on.
I often hear managers holding themselves back from speaking up, whether that is with their team or with the leaders above them, because they are worried about what others will think.
Which is fair. Our workplaces are socially vulnerable places to be. If I speak up, I cannot fully predict how someone else will respond, or what they will do with what I have said. Our brains are wired to protect us from that kind of social risk, and sometimes staying quiet is exactly what we need to do.
It might not be a safe environment.
It might not be the right moment.
It might be that we need more time to understand what is really going on.
The perspective that only sits in the middle
And at the same time, as middle managers we sit in a very specific position in organisations. We see things that other parts of the system do not.
We see:
- where strategic intentions clash with operational realities
- where priorities in one team create problems for another
- where resourcing decisions have unintended consequences
- where small things are bubbling that could become much bigger if left unattended
In the middle, part of our role is to surface issues and challenges that need attention beyond ourselves, even when we do not yet have the answer, or could not possibly solve it on our own.
What happens when we don’t speak up
When we hold back consistently, there are real short and long-term impacts.
For our teams, without clarity about feedback, expectations, or direction, people can start to underperform, or experience a workplace that feels unpredictable. Issues are not addressed early, and instead they build over time.
For the leaders above us, important risks may go unseen. Connections between teams may be missed. Feedback that could help them improve never reaches them.
It makes a tangible difference when you do speak up and share what you are seeing.
What tends to get in the way
So what is happening in those moments where we choose not to?
Often it is not one big thing, but a handful of familiar thoughts.
Not being quite sure what we want to say.
We know there is something there, but our thinking is not fully formed yet, and we are reluctant to share something that feels incomplete.
Feeling like we might not be right.
That is uncomfortable, especially in front of others.
Feeling that someone else will not see it the same way.
Which of course they won’t.
Feeling like we should have all the answers, but we don’t.
Which is often true.
Underneath all of this is a familiar pressure. A sense that we need to be right, or complete, or certain before we contribute.
Letting go of needing to have the answer
Great leadership, especially in the middle, asks something different of us.
It asks us to let go of needing to have all the answers.
It requires us to hold multiple perspectives at once, and to stay curious about the ones we cannot yet see. To recognise that we do not have the full picture, and that our role is not to arrive with the answer, but to help expand understanding.
That is what creates better thinking. And better outcomes.
What speaking up actually is (and isn’t)
Speaking up confidently is not about making sure your voice is heard in every meeting. It is not about saying everything that comes into your head. And it is not about having an opinion on everything happening in your organisation.
It is about stepping into your responsibility as a leader to contribute your perspective in a way that helps others think more clearly.
It is about supporting shared understanding and collaborative problem solving.
And for those of you who are quieter by nature, confidence is not measured by how much you say, or how quickly you say it.
It is demonstrated when you are able to articulate what you are noticing, what you know and what you do not know, and why it matters. And to do that in a way that invites others to think alongside you.
Supporting yourself to speak up
So how can we support ourselves to speak up more confidently in those moments?
Prepare
Take a small amount of time before meetings to gather your thoughts. Even a couple of minutes can help your brain shift focus, clarify the purpose of the conversation, and identify what you may want to contribute.
Recognise the moment
Speaking up is not about voicing every thought. It is about understanding when your contribution will be most useful. That might be in the room, afterwards, or at a different point in the process.
Frame your response
We do not need to undermine ourselves with hesitation. Instead, we can ground our contribution in what we understand in that moment.
“Based on what I’m seeing…”
“From my team’s perspective…”
“The thought that comes up for me is…”
This allows your thinking to evolve, rather than locking yourself into being right.
Ask questions
When we follow our contribution with a question, we create space for others. We stay open to different perspectives, and we invite the conversation to grow.
When you notice you’ve held back
If you find yourself walking away from a conversation wishing you had spoken up, it can be helpful to pause and reflect.
- What got in the way?
- What might I have said?
- What difference might that have made?
- How could I support myself to speak up next time?
Over time, this is how the habit builds.
Building the habit over time
As managers, we are developing a way of speaking up that builds:
Contribution - What can I see from where I sit that may help this conversation?
Openness - How do I offer my perspective clearly, while staying open to it evolving?
Curiosity - How do I invite perspectives that expand or challenge what we currently understand?
Confidence comes after the action
Finally, I think it’s worth naming just one more key thing.
We do not become confident at speaking up by thinking about it.
Confidence comes from doing it. From being in the situation, trying something, adjusting, and trying again.
So instead of asking, “how do I become more confident?”, it can be more useful to ask:
- How can I support myself to practise speaking up?
Because the more we do, the more we learn. The more we learn, the more confident we feel. And from there, something starts to shift.
One question to sit with:
What difference would it make for you, and for the people around you,
if you started practising speaking up more often?
